


The Night Knows My Secrets

by meils121



Category: Leverage
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meils121/pseuds/meils121
Summary: Parker hates loose ends.  She hates having her team getting hurt even more.  Most of all, though, she hates being a failure.
Relationships: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer
Comments: 8
Kudos: 94
Collections: Leverage Reverse Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is for the Leverage Big Bang! My partner artist was KeepitDreamin, and her amazing artwork that inspired this fic is in the second chapter. Hope you enjoy!

It’s raining, a slow, steady drizzle. Parker’s honestly not sure when the rain started. A few hours ago, she thinks. Maybe more. She frowns to herself. She’s normally better at noticing things like that. But here she is, soaked to the bone and shivering, and somehow none the wiser as to when it all started.

Maybe things are worse than she thought.

She’s on the rooftop of their apartment building. She likes it up here. It’s quiet and secluded, a space just her own. They toured plenty of apartments, Eliot looking for top of the line kitchen appliances and Hardison evaluating walls for his giant TV and Parker slipping away to survey the roof situation. This was the one she liked best. It’s a nice space, with easy access and plenty of places just to sit and think. 

Normally, an hour up here and she’d be okay. But tonight - 

Tonight, she’s only managed to sink deeper into her own thoughts.

Parker takes one deep breath, then another. The tightness in her chest is not just anxiety. It’s guilt, clawing and tearing at her soul to the point where it feels like she might actually be bleeding. Parker takes one more deep breath before her shaky composure breaks. She heaves out a sob. 

It’s safe to cry up here. Her tears are masked by the falling rain and her cries are drowned out by distant thunder. So Parker cries. She curls up tighter into herself, hugging her knees to her chest. She feels alone. Years ago, she wouldn’t have minded that feeling. Tonight, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

It’s been a bad night, preceded by an even worse day. Parker keeps running everything over in her mind. She should be able to figure out where things went wrong, but maybe they were doomed from the start. It should have been a simple job - in, out, done. Something they’ve done hundreds of times before. 

It wasn’t that simple. They got _caught_. Eliot got _hurt._ Parker miscalculated and it had cost them. They got out, thanks to some inspired hacking by Hardison and quick thinking by Parker and pure, angry determination by Eliot. But the job never got finished. Parker didn’t do what she promised the clients she would.

Parker hates loose ends. She hates having her team getting hurt even more. Most of all, though, she hates being a failure.

Eliot tried to tell her he was okay, but Parker knows better. She doesn’t like it when he’s hurt, doesn’t like him thinking that she doesn’t care enough about him and his safety. She’s supposed to plan for anything. That’s her job. But now she’s let her team down and the client down. It’s hard not to feel like a complete failure.

Parker swipes a hand across her face in a weak attempt to pull herself together. It doesn’t work, but then again she didn’t really think it would. 

It’s time to head home, she knows. Much longer out here and she’ll catch a cold. She leaves her perch on the rooftop reluctantly though. Alone is safe. Alone means only her thoughts can scold her. She doesn’t have to fear what Eliot and Hardison might say.

That’s not really fair to them, though. She knows they aren’t angry at her, at least not the way she’s angry at herself. She’s still scared, though. 

She knows, a few floors below, Hardison and Eliot are waiting for her. They’re probably asleep by now, a space for her left open between them. Parker doesn’t deserve that spot. Not tonight. And if they are still awake, that means talking about what happened. Parker isn’t sure if she’s ready for that. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever be ready for that. 

Still, Parker forces herself to stand and head inside. A rush of warm, dry air greets her as she steps through the rooftop access door. She hadn’t realized until just this moment how tired she is. Crying, she supposes, will do that to a person. 

Back inside, the apartment building is silent. It’s a noise that Parker is all too familiar with, the comfort of the night’s quiet. It’s late, probably bordering on three in the morning. Parker takes the stairs down to their floor and lets herself into their apartment. 

It’s dark. Even Hardison doesn’t stay up this late, not unless there’s a new video game release. Eliot, for all that he’s an early riser, still has a few hours of sleep ahead of him before he gets up for the day. 

Parker pads through the apartment without bothering to turn on a light. The layout is well mapped in her mind, the path through the living room to the hall embedded in her head from many other late night returns. Parker makes a short detour in the hall bathroom to grab a towel. She squeezes the rain water out of her hair and dries off her face before dropping the towel in the hamper and heading for their bedroom.

Her boys are asleep. Parker pauses in the doorway for a moment, watching them. For the first time in hours, Parker smiles. Hardison has, predictably, stolen the duvet and is sprawled out underneath it, taking up a good three quarters of the bed. He snores softly into his pillow. Eliot is propped up on a pillow on his side of the bed. The lack of a blanket doesn’t seem to be bothering him. In the dim light, Parker can just make out the bruise forming on his cheekbone. Her smile fades as guilt grips her. That was her fault. She might not have thrown the punch, but she created the situation that got Eliot hurt. 

Parker catches herself before she starts crying. She wants so badly just to crawl between her boys and pretend that everything is okay. But nothing is okay right now. She doesn’t deserve that sort of comfort. 

Mind made, she turns, intending to spend the rest of the night on the couch. Tears threaten to spill again. She doesn’t want to be alone, but it’s safer for all of them if she isn’t around. 

Maybe she’s not fit to be a leader.

“Parker.”

It’s Eliot, that much she can tell by the sleep-heavy voice. For a moment she considers ignoring him. It would be easier. But she’s already caused too much hurt today. 

Parker turns to face Eliot. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” She says softly, not wanting to wake Hardison as well. 

“We were worried.” Eliot answers. The guilt wells up further inside Parker. Not only has she let her team down, she’s made them worried. She can’t do anything right today. 

“I needed to clear my head.” She says. “I had to figure out what went wrong, you know?” It’s not a total lie. That had been her original intention when she first told Eliot and Hardison she needed space that evening.

Eliot, predictably, sees right through her. “So why weren’t you home three hours ago?”

Parker folds in on herself, wrapping her arms around each other and hugging her body tightly. She doesn’t want to answer. The thought of answering - of telling the truth - makes her feel sick. But she owes Eliot an answer, so she gives him one anyways. “I thought - I thought you wouldn’t want to see me.”

That gets more of a reaction that Parker thought it would. Eliot sits up on the bed, leaning forward and reaching a hand out. “C’mere.” He says.

Parker shakes her head. “No, Eliot, I - I can’t.” She says. She takes a step backwards. “I messed up. Don’t you get it?”

Eliot swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands. He approaches Parker slowly, like she’s a wild animal that might startle and bolt, and maybe that isn’t all that far from the truth. Parker hugs her arms tighter, nails digging into skin through the cloth of her shirt. She looks at the floor, not willing to see the pain on Eliot’s face. She’s causing that pain, and that’s much more than she can deal with right now. 

Eliot is at her side now, his arms wrapping around her. Parker stands still for a moment within his embrace before the need for comfort outweighs the guilt telling her she does not deserve this. She leans into Eliot. For the second time that night, the tears start falling. 

Eliot just holds her as she cries. He doesn’t try to offer words of comfort. Parker is glad. She’s not sure she could handle hearing them right now. 

Eventually the tears stop. Parker breaks away from Eliot and crawls onto the foot of the bed, bringing her legs up to her chest and hugging them tightly. Eliot hums softly before settling back into his spot in bed. Parker’s glad he’s not trying to make eye contact. 

They sit in silence for several minutes. Eliot’s breathing is even, a steady comparison to Parker’s own gasps. 

“I’m sorry.” Parker says eventually. She stares at her bare feet and frowns. She doesn’t remember taking her socks off. She wiggles her toes and thinks it’s no wonder the job went so badly, if she can’t even keep track of her own damn feet.

Eliot doesn’t respond right ways. Panic starts to grip at Parker again, a fear of what he might say - of what he _should _say - settling over her. She hugs her knees tighter and steels herself what what he’s going to say.

“We’re a team.” Eliot says. Parker hears him take a sharp inhale of breath. “Parker, you have to listen to me. We’re a team. Teams win together and they lose together. You get that, right?”

And no, Parker doesn’t get that. At all. Sure, they’re a team. But she’s their leader. She’s the one who is supposed to plan for every eventuality. She’s the one who is supposed to make sure the job gets done and everyone makes it out in one piece. She didn’t do that this time. So no, she doesn’t get what Eliot is saying _at all_. 

It’s hard to admit as much. “No.” She says, and tells Eliot why. Or, at least, she tries to. But as soon as she starts, he cuts her off.

“That’s not how that works.” He says. “And you know that. We’re all responsible for each other. Sure, one person might be better at one thing than another. But that’s why we work together. That’s why we’re a team.”

“But I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.” Parker argues. Maybe she should just accept what Eliot is saying, accept that he isn’t mad, but she can’t and she’s not sure why. “I still let you and Alec down.”

Eliot sighs. “You made a mistake.” He corrects. “Mistakes happen, Parker. They happen all the time. You know that.”

“You got hurt.” Parker says. She returns her gaze to her feet. 

They don’t talk about failure much, if at all. Maybe because it’s not really an option. They have to take down the bad guys. They have to help their clients. Who else will if they don’t?

Hardison won’t ever talk about failure. He’s superstitious and claims he doesn’t want to jinx things. Parker wonders if she jinxed them somehow. She doesn’t believe in that sort of thing, but she doesn’t _not_ believe either.

Sometimes jobs go wrong, but Parker hasn’t failed so badly at one in years. It’d be nice to say that the whole thing was doomed from the start, but that would be a bold-faced lie. On paper, it was a good plan. In practice -

“Getting hurt is kinda my job, Parker.” Eliot says, interrupting Parker’s downward spiral of thoughts.

“No.” Parker says, and she can’t help the rising panic in her voice. “Your job is to protect us. It’s not the same thing.” It can’t be the same thing.

Eliot doesn’t answer for a minute. “Did I fail today, then?” He asks. “Hardison got roughed up.”

“I - but I was supposed to plan so that didn’t _happen_.” Parker says, loud enough that it should wake Hardison up. Predictably, he lets out a snore, shoves his face into a pillow, and continues sleeping. 

“We work together for a reason.” Eliot says again. “We take care of each other. Sometimes, things happen that we don’t expect. And most of the time, we’re good enough to figure it out. But we aren’t perfect, Parker, and you can’t expect us to be. There are always going to be jobs like this. That’s just the nature of the beast.”

Parker takes a deep breath. Maybe, she thinks, Eliot has a point. “I’m still sorry it happened.” She says in a soft voice.

Eliot sits up and reaches out to her. Parker lets him pull her back against him. She curls into his chest, tucking her face into the soft fabric of his sleep shirt.

“I know you are.” Eliot says. “And that’s why I’m not angry.”

That - that is almost more than Parker can figure out right then, as tired and as cold and as sad as she is. So she just nods into Eliot’s shirt and lets him keep stroking his fingers through her tangled hair. 

Neither of them speaks after that. There’s nothing left to say, not tonight. In the morning, they will regroup. Parker will apologize again. They’ll go over what went wrong and figure out how to fix it and do what they were supposed to have done the first time around. 

Right now, Parker closes her eyes and listens to the steady beat of Eliot’s heart. It’s slowly lulling her to sleep. Eliot holds her close and blocks out the voices that are still telling her that she’s let her team down. 

It’s mid-morning when Parker wakes up, squinting in the face of the sun streaming through the bedroom window. Eliot is long-gone, his spot on the bed cold to the touch. Not a surprise, given how early he rises, but Parker still wishes he was here. 

When Parker rolls over, she finds Hardison, awake and still hoarding the blankets. He’s got his tablet out, but he puts it down when he realizes that Parker is awake.

“Hey, mama.” Hardison says with a smile. “Glad you came home.”

It’s like a punch to the gut. “Sorry.” Parker says. “I didn’t mean to worry you. And I’m - I’m really sorry about yesterday.” She stares down at her hands. The same hands that didn’t open the safe fast enough, she thinks. The self-loathing that Eliot managed to chase away last night threatens to swarm up and overwhelm her again. 

Hardison leans in and presses a soft kiss to Parker’s forehead. “Parker.” He says. “It’s okay. Things are gonna get screwed up sometimes. We’ll figure it all out.”

Parker shrugs. “I just hate that you have to figure it out.” She says. “Especially when I’m the one that messed up.”

“I don’t know about that.” Hardison says. He swings his feet over the side of the bed. “We’re a team.”

“That’s what Eliot said.”

“Maybe you should listen to him.” Hardison says. “Man is bound to be right every once in a while.”

“I heard that!” Eliot yells from the living room. Parker bites back a smile. She watches as Hardison digs around in the dresser for a shirt - this one emblazoned with design that Parker vaguely recognizes as being something related to Dungeons and Dragons. 

“You aren’t mad?” Parker asks, and hates how small her voice comes out. 

Hardison pauses and turns back around. Worry lines crease his forehead. “No.” He says firmly. “Of course not. Do I wish we did better yesterday? Yeah, sure. It sucks to not take down the bad guys on the first try. But things happen, Parker, and we deal with it.”

It’s more of a speech than Parker’s expecting so soon after waking up, but it’s good to hear anyways. “Okay.” She says. “Okay.”

Hardison slings an arm around her and pulls her closer to the edge of the bed. “We’re still human.” He says. “We make mistakes. I do, and you do, and Eliot does.”

Parker nods, biting her lip. “I know.” She says. “I just don’t like to.”

“No one does, mama.” 

“Waffles!” Eliot yells from the other room.

“Come on.” Hardison says, tugging Parker to her feet. “Let’s go eat some waffles. I smell bacon, too.”

Parker trails after Hardison. Eliot’s placing the last plate on the coffee table. His, predictably, has fruit alongside his stack of waffles. Hardison’s plate has extra bacon. And Parker’s - 

Eliot isn’t mad at her, and Parker knows that for a fact now. Because Eliot’s given her a stack of waffles smothered in maple syrup and piled high with whipped cream and adorned with the rainbow sprinkles that he rolled his eyes at when Parker threw them in the cart. It’s something he does whenever Parker has a bad day. She just wasn’t expecting it today, not when she still feels a bit like she has a lot of making up to do still. 

“Thanks.” Parker says, looking up at Eliot with a true happy smile on her face. 

Over waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice, they talk. They figure out what went wrong and how they are going to fix things now that Plan A (well, R) didn’t work out so well. Parker might get a little anxious once or twice, but what Eliot and Hardison have been telling her all along turns out to be - and stay - true. They aren’t mad. They just want to fix things and finish the job. 

It takes a few days to regroup. It takes exactly two hours, thirty-six minutes, and seventeen seconds to carry out an inelegant but simple con. Parker sits down on a bench outside the newspaper headquarters and watches as the local politics editor is escorted from the building by security. The story will be top of the hour news tonight, and their client will have her credibility restored. Job done - and, this time, done well. 

A hand ruffles her hair. Parker tilts her head back and grins up at Hardison. “We did it, mama.” Hardison says. “Come on. Celebratory dinner. Eliot’s cooking.”

Eliot groans. “I always cook.” He complains. 

“You want me to?” Hardison asks. 

“We’re going out for dinner.” Eliot decides almost immediately.

Parker grins. She lets Hardison tug her to her feet. She slings one arm around him and the other around Eliot. She’s lucky, she knows. She’s got her team - the best team she could ever ask for. And really, she can’t ask for much more. 


	2. Art by KeepitDreamin




End file.
